Sunday, 30 January 2011

Me, You and Them! (EGOs)

Hello HomoSapiens, it's me again, your lovely Rogue.

(click coloured words for link)

This week and ending of the months blogs I thought I would talk about alter-egos, multiple personalities and Dissociative Identity Disorder. All of which are part of the same thing. And if you haven't guessed yet well now is the time to get to know the truth. This is more about me looking at me as an individual and inviting you in to a world I have been living in for years. 

(Access denied will be a reference to my birth name)

My name is Rogue Scott, previously known as Rogue Laudat-Scott and [Access denied......]. I live with three other egos, you may have read them in the blogs in bits and pieces or have even meet them. Now the thing is with alter-egos these days, is that everyone one seems to have one. I find it hard to believe some people are not just poking fun out of the countless millions who live with their significant other or others. Lets take (and I love this bitch) Nicki Minaj as my first example, she has it seems has got quite a few. Having Roman, Martha, barbie and some Latin chick (can't remember the name). Ms Nicki has made a big name for herself with having these characters in her music and everyone from as young as 3-99yrs (people I know) know about her and them. But the way she comfortably slips in and out, I say it's an act. Well it must be right?

Professionals will often say that having an alter-ego is due to having gone through some trauma in some ones life or even abuse in some cases. I will touch on that later. Lets talk about the entities I live with in a little more depth.

Rogue Scott (Me), also know as [Access denied]: Age: in his 20's, Born: Birth certificate says England.I am the forefront personality and you will often mistake me for Marbie. I go to work, which is something I'm starting to not like so much but hey, I guess we all get like that and some point right? I love eating anything that once had a pulse and that's anything from pork to potatoes. A lot of people have said that I'm the joker of the clan, so I'm not always taken seriously. When I do need to be taken seriously I guess that's when Ashlley takes over. I love to play computer console games, drink alcohol and although people may not know this I prefer my own company. I'm always looking to learn something new regardless if it's to do with my personal life, work or the world. My fascination with animals has grown larger other the years since I was like knee high. I have to say I have almost owned or  accompany owned (I like to say) every animal I wanted. Horses, snakes, dogs, cats, gerbils, mice, hamsters, rabbits, birds, spiders. I love to own a large portion of untouched land and have the original inhabitants roam free where we could watch, zoos are disgusting places and I haven't gone to one since I saw the really truth about them and animals. Funny enough I love learning about religion but don't belong to one that is recognised by governments (Hopefully this year it will be, as there's been speculation on the news surrounding Pagans (Christmas is ours and it's 21st not the 25th December), Wiccans and to those foolish people is got not thing to do with Devil worship (check the Catholic church for that for so called practising the devils homosexual works). I'm not really fussed about sex either I could go for years but in my loving big situation right now, that's not possible..... but that's a plus. I really hate describing me it's tough work. Is it fair to say that I am talented, and am the only one out of my personas that is (well Marbie is good with make-up and sorting out the weaves out there), I paint, I draw which i love and adore. I Love to sing but my image doesn't cut it with a deep voice out of a pretty boy I think people get confused. I'm good at what I do for work So I'm told by the people I work with, unless they're taking the piss. And...... I think I'm a good listener, and trust me thats a talent not every one has. I got to listen to some fucking whiners in my life and still keep a smile on my face (so guys you now know what I'm thinking.)

Ashlley:  Born sometime between 1987-1986 (do the math)
He isn't a very regular site for sore eyes however when he is all hell seems to be let loose. The odd thing about him is that he seem to be bisexual and doesn't care what gender he is with once he is with some one. I've been told that he like to cause havoc and will often challenge any one or force a person to a challenge for no apparent reason. I do know he doesn't like to be mistaken for any of the others or my self. often calling me weak and them as "sissy little confused faggots", wow. Now professionals say we often make up these personalities to help us out of situations but that doesn't really sound like help to me. I once remember one of my friends saying Ashlley was watching a film and said "I wouldn't mind banging his arse hard, then coming over her perfect gash." Gross me out why don't you. He's very full on and will say exactly what he is thinking, where I would say I'm way more reserved. (Please after reading this don't try and get me committed). Because he doesn't show up a lot and me allowing the dark side to my personality to come out I'm still learning about him. I will often refer to him as my twin as my mom lost one of us. 

An alter-ego (Latin, "the other I") is a second self, a second personality or persona within a person, who is often oblivious to the persona's actions. It was coined in the early nineteenth century when dissociative identity disorder was first described by psychologists.[1] A person with an alter-ego is said to lead a double life.
A distinct meaning for alter-ego can be found in literary analysis, wherein it describes characters in different works who are psychologically similar, or a fictional character whose behavior, speech or thoughts intentionally represent those of the author. Similarly, alter-ego can be applied to the role or persona taken on by an actor[2] or by other types of performers. (read more at this link Wiki)

Nayonceomi: Born: Hard to tell, but he/she named him/herself in 2001. Lets say Nayonceomi is a Androgynous lively soul. (I'm gonna call Him/She it from now cause even I don't know the correct term.) It is the most sexual ego of them all and once someone has caught it's eye, it works on them till it has them. Like a spiders sticky sexual web "Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly". Long flowing hair or and head of created dolly curls, it isn't only about sex, but it knows how to get what it wants too. Not the smartest of them and myself but hey you can't fault a girl/boy for trying. I often look to Nayonceomi for tips and stuff for the bed room that's when I've been on the net looking at Karma sutra moves and outlandish gay porn positions for both men and women. Nayonceomi's look on life is "Anything a single gender can do, I can do better", well and arse is tight than a pussy i suppose and if your as flexible as Marbie, hey you got the all clear. Nayonceomi is more like a cameo, will arise when needs be and when the situation is truly right. It has a good intuition on figuring out people just from the smell of their breath. It introduced me to some beauty routines I'm not too sure as a gay man even we do. Now from purely it's influence even with as little hair on my head and stubble growing on my face it still takes me 2 hours to get ready for work and maybe 3 for a night out on the town. What has the Bitchard done to me?? It's used to be in love with [Access denied and a guy called Bluzie and another called Jabe and another called Robert]. it can get what it wants but can't create the love it wants. 

Marbie Mattel: Established from birth I guess.

Now it's obvious that we a look the same living in the same body, or they look like me should I say but the differences should be slighlty apparent or just plain in your face. Marbie on the other hand is like an airbrushed me. Where I could give two fucks about what I look like some days, Marbie (yes this is a guy we're talking about) does not allow flaws to be . He calls it "The imperfections of perfection, is never noticed by Homosapiens." He gave Himself a surname as well which is so fucking egocentric it's unbelievable. Every thing is always about him, so much so that once My husband was getting a new hair style buy our gorgeous hair stylists Justin (Be sure to ask for details and get your hair done, dudez and dudettes), any way so my husband was getting this new style. Well Marbie didn't want heads to turn for L so he ordered Justin to Cut MY hair off into a fucking mohawk typed thing which I rocked of course (Oh i do love the arrogance) I was just thinking I'm sort of like Superman in a way, where at parts of my days these persona will take over for a fraction and boy do people notice. (you need to read up on Schizophrenia) I'm not Schizophrenic it's alright. Back to Marbie, the more he's a round the more he experiments with clothing. he is at all as smart as me but know where a dull as Nayonceomi. He goes through phases like his cousin Barbie, One day his hair orange the next day it's green. He will look as if his a skater boy one day and then a pure mannequin the other, what he does with his looks, are totally intentional from the one stray hair on his head to a slight little rip and the bottom of his jeans.  

Reading this back, it's interesting how my life has made me create such personas. I'm not one for sob stories and so I do have one. I remember the times when Ashlley would get me into trouble fro throwing burn toilet tissue around in my bedroom and my mom would lock me in the basement. Yeah I'm laughing now but hell I was scared of the dark. Or when I first held my first and only gun that I found in the electric metre cupboard at the age of 5 (and it was fucking heavy). Tese experiences, so called trauma and abuse have made me into who i am today and who my personas have become to be also. with out them, would you know of me? Would I have found the love of my life? Would I be as independently dependant as I am (I can do a whole lot for my slef I rather just pay or bribe people into doing things for me, I'm lazy since Nayonceomi taught me the Seyes (sex in your eyes)) I would like to say to the professionals that have said that people you live with the Dissociative Identity Disorder, can not live fulfilling lives, that they're chatting out of their fucking as whole because for one I have come along way in just 4 years (marriage, kids and promotions) and If Nicki Minaj (Martha) and Eminem (Slim Shady), Beyonce (Sasha Firece)  are suffering form this so called disorder, well fuck more people should strive to having an alter-ego and get into some so called traumatic experiences. Life is trauma deal with it.

Well Homosapiens thats all I really want to say before I tell you more about my life, that you say "Okay, he might just create another one soon." Maybe a deeper personal blog would be good for me, but not now. 

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Answers and Questions, being Gay

A few days before Christmas (yes a late one I know) My niece and my older sis, her Mom are having a discussion in the Kitchen. I’m being sneaky as ever and decide to eavesdrop on the convo and see what’s being said cause I’ve heard my husbands name been mentioned already. I’m locked on and listening being the Natural Rogue as the name and word suggests.
 “But mom, you didn’t answer me, why are you not answering me (Screams like the little spoilt brat she is) I want to know???
My sister is staring at her it what it looks like disbelief that her 8-year-old daughter is asking such inquisitive questions. “Is L related to us?” she asks.
“Ermm, yes C, he is why?” my sister has a grin on her face and although my head isn’t at all that big (The one on my shoulders and neck that is) I can’t understand how they’re not acknowledging me squatting down behind a wall smiling.
“ Well how is L related to us, he’s white and he doesn’t have black in him or Jamaican?"
“C, he isn’t white he’s mixed race.”
“What like K? Okay answer meeeeeeee… Is he my cousin?” she’s right up in my sister’s face and I’m thinking that she gonna get a tump down, a slap down from my sister for being so invasive of her space.
“He’s not your cousin he’s erm, C why does it matter? Alright he’s your uncle.” So my niece looks at her and she cocks her head to one side like some bemused misled puppy and she simple responds with an “Oh!” and skips out of the kitchen.
“Mom R was listening. MOM R was listening.” And she begins that hideous belittling laugh like she did that time when she was asking me such pressing (in my opinion) questions.

Later on that day I decided to probe my brother for answers and find out what the family thinks and what he thinks about my being gay and being married also. I tried to be casual about it whilst it battered the buttons on his Xbox 360’s buttons playing Fifa whatever number or date it was.
I start (And I recorded the convo but wasn’t to sure if I was gonna put it up so I leave maybe for a later date.)

“H, what do you think of Graham Norton?” I had to start somewhere
“Who’s that?"
“Erm, oh, let me see, err, Whoppie Goldberg?” He just glances at me, still playing his god forsaken football game. So I grab the control and twist his head round.

“What did you think about my wedding?”

“I liked it, it was good.”

“What was different about it to others that you’ve been to?” (I so need to work on my probing interviewing skills)

“It was (slight pause, rolling eyes smiling like that Cat in wonderland), it was the only wedding with talking in it, I liked that. Other weddings you have to sit down and shut up and not say nothing and if you do mom hits you in the head to shut up.” We both laugh and although the answer I looking for hasn’t come out yet I already sense that I’m gonna have to dig deeper because I know he isn’t, wasn’t bothered about the wedding being me to a man.

“Ok, so do you think it’s ok, for gay people to get married?”

"They should be able to do what they want init."
“Yeah, of course that’s they’re business if they wanna get married and they love each other. They should be able to do what they want init, they’re not hurting nobody though.” A good head on his shoulders my mom has grown here. Not so much his dad his dad is such a Yardie (Yardie being on of the type that are like Beenie Man or Sizzler so fucking anti gay I sure they’ve had a cock or two up they’re arses and bleed like Raz B, did I go too far? Meh)

“Oh (I’m wide eyed now), ok so I didn’t expect that answer from you. What do you think about gay people?”

“I don’t.” I at first thought it was a negative response considering I had already downed a bottle of Moet to myself and was feeling good. But I dusted that shoulder and saw the response as how it was probably meant to be portrayed. I don’t even think about gay people why would anyone else really dumb fucking question.

“Erm, do you think gay people are nasty? Cause C seems to think otherwise.”

He laughs at me at although not in the same key as my niece I’m starting to feel really little right now and want to opt out of this question, answer session with him.
“She’s dumb, she’s just a little girl init. I think she knows and she just thinks anyone with someone they love is nasty. In a way it is. Like kissing with tongue and all tat spit… Ergh! I hate it when mom used to wipe my face with tissue she licked and you could smell her spit under your nose, nasty.”

“What do you think of L? Do you like him…? Be honest.” My head keeps tipping back craving for the stability the alcohol can give it.

“He’s fun and he’s funny. Your funny too.” I want to know more.

“What does the family think about me and L, do you hear what they say?” We all know children hear things they’re not meant too its part of being children, to blabber and get other adults in trouble, come on (was I really expecting an honest answer though?).

“I don’t know, they don’t speak about you, well at least when I’m not around any way. I mean sometimes (Something juicy is coming I can feel it), they just say like, I wonder if they will cook for the BBQ, or to see if you lot are busy on the weekend because they want to invite you round. But nothing bad, I don’t hear nothing like what they really think. (Ok boring, he knows what I’m after and he’s fucking covering something up. I grab a pillow from his bed and dash it across his head only to see a pillow coming in my direction and I’m far too tipsy to curve it’s enthusiasm, I role of the sofa.)

“What does, D think about me and L?” D is my niece’s biological father and would go as far as to call him dad the fucking so and so (I’ve disliked him for the last 13 years and probably will continue to, he’s just smug shit and Fugly)

“He’s asked how you lot are doing.” Brief and to the point.
“Oh (Un-amused me), Do you have gay friend or you think you have gay friends.”

“Nah…(He picks up the control and un-pauses the fifa game, eyes fixed to the screen and I notice his body starts to tense up, SNAP!”

“Would you mind having gay friends?”

“Would you mind having not gay friends?” (Little fucker you, but I’m surprised, maybe I’m not the only gay in the family village although I would say A would be not H.)

Maybe I am the only one
“That’s not what I asked and you can’t answer a question with a question (How many times have you heard that). I wasn’t too sure if I should go there yet I mean although I knew about who I was when I was like 5 wanting my MR Perfect name shall be withheld initials being J.K awwwwwww, doesn’t mean he’ll know at his age being 11. I do the brotherly thing and ask to play the game with him. He allows me and as I miss the goal many a times and don’t know how to control the bow legged players he screams out on more than one occasion “Your so gay”.

“What’s that meant to mean? Your so gay, it’s not nice to use words like that in a negative way”

“Don’t mean it like that, I mean like your rubbish init.” Oh so now Gay mean being rubbish with the youth today and some adults at that, so I guess if I say “Your so straight it will mean, the person is good at having unprotected sex and breeding up the world with so many useless bastard children then (Well so the middle class say about the working class, another story, another blog). Either way we can’t win now, can we.

I’m getting bored of the conversation and decide I want to hear more from K, A and K and see what they think. My two brothers and nephew. My reason is, just wanting to know how they’ve been brought up and what a snippet of they’re generation thinks about the sexualities in the world. To be honest so far Non-seem to be bothered and the children I’ve worked with don’t seem bothered either. These days it just seems if you don’t know any one gay or lesbian (They’ve forsaken the Bisexuals understandably, greedy bastards), then you are so not cool if you don’t’ have a multi racial, sexualitied family and circle. (Sexualitied, is that even a word or another Marbie made-up one?) I’m glad the world seems to be coming to that slowly, but will it ever just be like the grass is green.
Cute picture huh?

Sunday, 2 January 2011

Playstation move And the Xbox 360's Kinect.

In now way is this gonna be a product review your probably used to reading.

Homosapiens! it's Vorte Ami, Rogue Marbie Scott once again. So in September I said that I wanted to get the, PlayStation Move and The Kinect for the Xbox 360, both for Christmas. I remember saying I was going to get it with my own money but fuck that shit isn't that what i got married for? So that I could save money money for my quick divorcal get-away and he spend all his money on me? (What's his is mine and what's mine will always be mine, damn Skippy.) So I'm not all sure which one I prefer, mainly for the fact, which is I only have been paying attention to the Kinect for the last week since I got it. I haven't really been feeling the game I received with the Playstation Move (Resident Evil 5 Gold) which I haven't opened either. 
Believe i wanted to use something more
 explicit but my language is enough for now. 
So any way I not to meanly dismiss the Move, but lets talk about the Kinect. I am fucking aching right now. I received the standard in-the-box game, Kinect Adventures and I also got Dance Central. Both games will have you sweating the bucket loads if the only exercise you get is walking to work, wanking and sex and trust me as a living Marbie that's all i really have time for some days. So now I have Kinect.... yes i too had the Wii and it's Wii fit shit, but it didn't actually keep me entertained. I must admit I do have a short attention span but I know I will be playing the Kinect in replace of working my abs in the bed (although I love being on top working out the abdominal muscles). I think the interface is such an easy way to use something, I this may sound corny cause you've probably heard it so many times since it's release in November 2010, but you really are the controller. Speaking to it to pause films, using your hand to control the cursor, it's like Minority reports in cheap. (Shouldn't really make it sound cheap should I?) So far all of my family have gone out and spent that £129 to get one (Becoming a grand total of £774... you do the math at how many families in my Family made a purchase.) Okay so we may like some people may say have money to spend on stupid things, but I'm a gamer and not a crack addict so therefor I'm doing my life some good.

You will need maximum space though to play. Me being 6'1 tall and having a Kinect looks funny lmao..... but serious at least 6 feet away from the Camera you should be able to stand and you should be able to have at least in my instance 3-4 feet on your sides (try not to have things hanging on your wall, Me telling you this doesn't help if you already do. I love the way Microsoft tells you not to have a thing in your living room in order to play the damn thing.) I have a Mirror Hanging up and have to be real careful what my hands do (I didn't spend almost a grand on a gold  and brass mirror frame) And just the other day I swung a pint Stella glass torpedoing towards my TV, thank good it missed and shattered on the Cat, (no not really).  So please do be careful and not be a twat like that old fart in the video, or a clumsy Marbie like myself (yes beauty and loads of brains is hard to achieve even for me), My closing.... there has been some rumors about Kinect sex and although I don't have a thing for teenage Japanese girls with big European silicone breast I'm sure some others might. I rather play with Chad Hunt, or Matthew Rush or give me some of that Latin heart deep throb  Dumbo. But Kinect sex games does't really interest me (for now.)

Playstation Move will get it's review from me one day but hey I'm late with things and I just my give it a one liner in some other (important) blogg. So I guess I'll TTYS because I am ready for another round of drinks.