Saturday, 21 July 2012
Thursday, 19 July 2012
October 29th 1993
Back at school, I’m waiting outside the Head teachers office on the blue upholstered chair that I have so become accustomed to. Maybe they should just label it ‘Property of Rogue Laudat’ now that would be something, now would it? I can hear the Head talking in the office, a faint breeze comes through the corridor and I smell the sweaty bodies of a thousand children before come from the hall. Hey, they said that this place was once bombed in the war way before even my grand parents were born. I wonder if I’ll ever see a ghost of some dead teacher walking the halls one day.
“What have you done now” I turn to look to the left to see my mum the standing at the swing doors. Why is she here so early? It’s not like they had time to call her, I mean they are still in there talking.
“Erm… I ran away after I beat up George and some other white boy.” I look down at my feet and hear her give a long winded sigh, that seems to wrap round my body and hold me close to her yet from a distance. It’s no ordinary hug, it’s one of those hugs you give when you want to say ‘Good-bye’. My time is up I guess, oh well. Looking back up at her she walks through the thick heavy wooden door and into the dark dingy red and brown room, “Hello Ms Laudat, I..” the door closes, obviously I’m not meant to hear a word. Hearing them speak through the door I get up off my chair and press my ears to the bottom of the door just where the wood meets the flooring. Nothing, nothing is clear. The screams of laughter and joy come from a near by class room and looking to my left to the hall, I remember.
In the kitchen with mum
“I’m going to be in the snow Queen mum” I’m getting ready for school with the biggest smile on my face.
“Really Roe, ok” Not looking at me as she washes our breakfast dishes.
“It’s a school play and everyone has to come and see it all our family.” I walk round to her side to get more of her attention she carries on as if I was talking to her from the front room.
“Mmm-hmm, ok, talk to me about it tomorrow” When ever she says that it mean, don’t talk to her at all. I go tell Aunty Ceecee next time she’s here.
The day of the play
“Is she here yet with Ramona Miss” trying my hardest not to cry, clenching my teeth down as I speak so hard I’m sure they’re going to crack and collapse soon. Miss Gem, was tall and lanky like me with the best hair in the world, dark ginger and brown.
“Ah yeah she is, no wait, that’s Susan’s mum. Never mind. Maybe she will come just before you all start.” She holds me by the shoulder and rubs my back. I’ve felt that rub before. I don’t like it., in fact I don’t like being touched at all., but she’s ok, she my best teacher.
“Oh, okay, when is that?” I ask thinking my mum has got loads of time to spare before getting here.
“In about two minutes, get to your place, quickly, oh come here let me help you get dressed.” Oh disappointment punches me in the face, I’m not convinced she’s coming now. That Lady at the service social thingy said she should come, she said she was gonna come.
Back at home
“Where were you mum, I didn’t see you in the audience?” Getting in from the seemingly ever-lasting walk in the dark.
“Oh sorry baby, I couldn’t make it in time.” Sitting with Ramona her words seem like lies.
“But this morning you said you was coming and you even….” Frustrated I feel that warming sensation happening again.
“I just couldn’t, just leave it, I will call you for your dinner in a bit.” Knew it all she ever does is lie. She always ahs time for Ramona and Meadow, I get summer camp with all these boys I don’t know and these weird adult who talk to me like I’m old a grey, most of the time I never understood really what they were saying. One of the men looked like Jesus, he had long browny-blonde wavy hair and in the shower his willy was big like my leg. And I remember the fat woman who couldn’t go swimming because she said she wasn’t feeling to well, and the men laughing at her saying she’s ‘On’ adults are odd, I don’t ever wanna grow up.
Looking at the hall my memories fade before me and I hold with all my might the flood of tears that is heaving to break my eyelids. I won’t let them I’m strong like Liono in Thundercats. I’m not gonna cry, I’m not. The door opens and my mum smiles walking out saying her byes. She heads me to my main class and whispers quietly “Say bye to your friends” so I go in a say bye to all of them that are there. Kemo shouts out “Bring your Sonic thing yeah, on Monday.” They all shout out bye to me, while George sits on the same table as Stefarna staring at me as if he can do anything to me. I want to say my to him and sorry, but the rest of them will shame me up and give me Tangoes on Monday if I do, so I don’t.
“Were going home, having dinner and then tomorrow, we’re going to see Mikes and Tanny and then you and Tanny are going to the Airport with the whole family.” Well I knew it was coming, just didn’t know when. Still walking beside her, there’s nothing really left for me to say, I mean she’s made up her mind, I’m going away for a few days, I’m not going to see Meadow and Ramona for a few days and mummy either. Steven my mum’s boyfriend will get me a present when I get back anyway, he’s like my daddy. I love him.
Posted by Rogue "Marbie" Scott at 12:37
Hey homosapiens, I'm still writing don't worry, but right now I feel emotional exhausted from writing the Memoirs of Marbie right now. I hit a point in my life that I never really explored up until now and realise how much change had and probably still does affect me in my life now and then. I uess I'm lucky to be able to tell the story and share it with you. And although I see my childhood as a blessed and great one, now looking back at it there were, like all of you dare dudes and dudettes, bad times. I guess it's just The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Posted by Rogue "Marbie" Scott at 12:26
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
October 29th 1993
Early in the morning just before I leave to go to school my mother keeps talking to someone about barrels of food and clothing and how much it costs and how lucky it is that the flights are in off-peak season, because they’re so cheap. I have no clue in what a barrel is and why the hell it would be filled with food to go on a plane. I’m preparing myself for Halloween I’ve got all my stuff ready, mask, check, gloves, check, cape, check. Just a pity I can’t take my stuff to school. So I know I’m going to this special so called Mc Donald’s now, where I need to get a plane to get to it on an island called Dominica. I’m not stupid I’m going for a totally different reason, it’s Tanny that has been yet fooled by the adult’s lies yet they keep the true reason for putting me on a plane a sheer secret.
At school I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before, I’m so not with it in the math’s class and I’m get all the answers wrong in the snake math’s game, that our new math’s teacher with the square head like to play. Ricard and Kemo are in the middle of the snake while I’m nearing the end and yet again Nookduko, the Vietnamese super brain is at the front of the snake. The game is tedious, having children answer random equations which some have clearly not worked on before. I’m not saying I haven’t work on any, because I have I’m just not myself. All I can think about is, what is going to happen once I’ve left school today. Will I be gone for a few days or even maybe a week, I’m so unsure of what is going on with my life right now, I can’t even fabricate imaginary tiny sized, Pegasus horses flying around in the class room to distracted me.
Break time, everyone rushes out of the class and brush and push pass me, something they would have been all too scared to do before today, I suppose my zombie like state has given them the brave hearts all children need to feel right now. Wow I can’t believe I’m finally a Herculean warrior, yet I am doing nothing to defend my temple. Swirls of minute children spiral and weave in between the bodies of the Herculean ones, me sitting on a bench close by the semi-junior classes, I’m actually avoiding them, avoiding all form of contact. Great Greyson has noticed me and walks over to me looking like a Bruce Lee reject. He’s talking yet I hear no words; all I hear is jibber-jabbering words. “Don’t tell me you forgot already?” He says to me, so he obviously wasn’t speaking English then.
“What?” I respond still observing the chaos of the other children play out their fantasies of becoming witches and wizards for Halloween.
“I said, what are you doing, coming to play, in Vietnamese. I’ve been teaching you.” He says to me with a look on his g=face as if I had disrespected him in some way. The only reason I wanted to learn Vietnamese is because I was tired of teaching this boy how to read, spell and write. It was ‘Getting on my tits’ so my mother’s friends would say, not that I know what it mean but I know one thing, it annoyed me.
“Oh sorry, I’m, I’m just thinking about what Halloween is going to be like in…” I stop, catching myself, realizing it’s all to true and is coming soon, sooner than I thought. It is going to happen and I won’t be coming back any time soon. The adult’s secret is out of the pencil case and right here in my hand. She’s sending me away to be adopted. “Fucking bitch.” I scream out, push him to one side and charge to where I was made king, the throne benches round the other side where I first noticed Greyson in his hideous purple puffer coat. George is there with Lee, Tashi, and Stefarna and the others, all of them chatting with laughter while the children around them make this force field around them as to protect them from invaders of other Herculean groups that may brave the intrusion of our castle, but no the only seem to make this field out of fear. An unspoken way of ‘They are the alarms in which we hear before any of us get in trouble’, they part simultaneously and I enter the circle, the group look at me and although I see all their coco buttered-up faces, dry knuckles and uncombed hair I have grown to love, George is in my sites and I want to give him the biggest kiss ever on the lips. Heart pounding, my skin is stinging with the heat of the blood racing through my veins and the loudest clap assumes a home on George’s right cheek accompanied by the thud of a closed unsuspecting closed fist. It’s as if I’m watching myself on top of his now fallen body, pressing my elbow in his mouth as if to crack his brilliantly formed lower jaw (where those kissable lips lay) away from his skull beautiful skull whilst straddling him like I was on one of my Grand dad’s horses, I suddenly pulled off my some tall, odd looking white boy I haven’t spoken to since joining this place. Martin, stinky, mildew Martin pulls me off his beloved George. Without any thought I pounce on him, almost sharpening my claws in the wind, I lunge into his body, and him falling back and place my hands around is head. The crack of my knuckles now crushed by his head on the ground don’t deter me, my thumbs strategically placed in his eye ball sockets I push down and hard. Moving my knees over his gold fish like flapping arms I use one hand to pry open is right eye and then use my other to carefully make short stroked scratches open the open organ. Around the whites I go, slowly getting closer to the deep shade of brown. Tears roll down the sides of his face, every one is just watching me. Right now I must look like Beast, from Beauty and the Beast as I catch a glimpse of my snarling through a passing girls mirrored bag. I lick his eyeball. “Is he going to eat it?” someone questions, looking up to find him or her and make a precise attack on him or her for the stupidity I notice a teacher heading my way. The crowd of children closes the gap, making it hard for them to get in. It hits me why I’m being sent away, I’m not a Cowboy, and I’m an Indian, too savage to live in the society. With a jumping-jack pop up on to my feet, the children seem to recognize what is to come next parting a way path for me that doesn’t lead me to the teacher, I run. Dashing through the gap, the gap behind me closes and I am now feeling free for the first time, knowing I will soon be caged. Jumping over the fence I dash down the road heading in the direction of home. Montague road, on my left, taking it I hear teachers it seems running after me, “Looks like he’s going home” one voice says and the voice that replies “Well he’s in for a shock” belongs to the man with the brown tinted glasses strapped to his head, polo neck t-shirts that are too tight for his pregnant belly and arse hugging shorts. Looking to my right where the hedges grow thick and the opening is barely clear I take the secret passage, what Greyson and I call it and jump into some one’s garden. One heavy body passes me, staring through the cracks in the fence he shoots passed, holding my breath I exhale and notice a daddy long legs climbing up my almost daddy long right leg. He spotted the secret passage, he shouts out to his colleague and mutters under his breath “His mother chose the right now for the little shit”. Taking a deep breath in, trying my hardest for it not to be heard, I see a white hairy hand coming through the fence as if it knows where it’s going. It latches onto my shoulder, “Graham I’ve got him,” the voice yells out, yeap, that caged feeling came quicker than I expected.
Posted by Rogue "Marbie" Scott at 05:05
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Hey Homosapiens. just to let you know I have been rush off my feet and well, Memoirs of Marbie is continiuing this week as of Sunday 15th July. I'll be writing everyday as a reader is now helping me with a dream also. God bless her. So expect for roguish behaviour and secrets to come your way. (Marbie smile)
Oh U have a new puppy now Her name is Kiara Willhelmina Biitch.
Oh U have a new puppy now Her name is Kiara Willhelmina Biitch.
Posted by Rogue "Marbie" Scott at 03:58